6 Things to Remember When Divorcing a High-Conflict Spouse

 Posted on January 19, 2018 in Divorce

Divorce is difficult at the best of times, but it can become much more of a headache when one spouse is argumentative and prone to provoking conflict. You are likely ready to move on with your life after the end of your marriage, and the last thing you want is an ex who keeps dragging you back into old arguments and coming up with new things to fight about.

If your ex is making things difficult during and after your divorce, consider the following factors:

1. You can set boundaries. While you and your spouse were used to being able to confide in each other and talk about anything during your marriage, those days are over. Moreover, if you do not want to discuss your personal life with your ex or listen to their complaints, you do not have to do so. Keeping conversations business-like, avoiding emotional discussions, and hanging up the phone or walking away if things get heated are good ways to keep from letting your ex push your buttons.

2. You do not have to give in to demands. Your ex may have been used to getting his or her way during your marriage, but those days are over. You are free to assert yourself and protect your own interests. Do not allow him or her to push you around or make you feel guilty about your decisions. Additionally, avoid making small concessions in hopes that they will satisfy your ex and help complete the divorce process more quickly.

3. You can keep documentation. If your ex tries to manipulate, bully, belittle, or threaten you, make sure to write this down or keep copies of any emails, voicemails, or text messages. If this behavior is relevant to ongoing legal disputes, you can share this information with your attorney to see if it will have an effect on your case.

4. You can get the support you need elsewhere. Trying to discuss emotional issues with your ex will likely be counterproductive, and he or she will likely try to use anything you say against you. Discussing your situation with a friend, family member, or therapist can help you avoid getting involved in these types of emotional arguments with your spouse.

5. Your children should never be involved in conflict. High-conflict spouses will often try to use their children as leverage in divorce disputes by attempting to “win” children to their side, asking them to spy on the other parent, or using them to send messages. If your spouse is putting your children in the middle of your disagreements, you should notify your attorney immediately.

6. If necessary, you can involve law enforcement. A spouse’s argumentativeness and attempts at emotional manipulation can be difficult to deal with and make the divorce process more complicated, but if they cross the line into harassing, threatening, or abusive behavior, do not hesitate to contact the police.

Contact a Rolling Meadows Divorce Lawyer

If your spouse is making the divorce process difficult, or he or she is refusing to follow the terms of your divorce decree, the attorneys of A. Traub & Associates can help you understand your legal options and work with you to reach a solution to your situation. Contact a Schaumburg divorce attorney today at 630-426-0196 to schedule an initial consultation.

Sources:

http://www.heretohelp.bc.ca/visions/couples-vol10/divorce-with-a-high-conflict-person

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/susan-valentine/high-conflict-divorce_b_4687175.html