Working With Your Ex-Spouse to Parent Your Children After Divorce

 Posted on September 12, 2018 in Divorce

It is normal for relationships to change, but it is when they change too much that couples may consider getting a divorce. Not all married couples decide to have children, but if they do, a divorce can become much more complicated. You may be able to resolve the various legal issues that must be addressed during divorce, but when it comes to the relationship with your ex, that is up to you. It is, however, in the best interests of your children to remain civil with each other while raising them together. 

Positive Relationships in Sole or Joint Custody Situations

Following divorce, parents may have joint custody of their children, or one parent may have sole custody. With sole custody, one parent is granted primary responsibility of the child, and the other has visitation rights (known as parenting time in Illinois). With joint custody, both parents share decision-making responsibility when raising their children. 

Either arrangement requires communication between you and your ex. These suggestions can aid in improving your relationship as you work together to raise your children:

1. Start Out Strong

When discussing divorce with your child for the first time, have the conversation as a family. This is not only a positive thing for your child, but it can assist in building a new relationship with your ex. Having the conversation together helps maintain consistency, and it assures your child that neither parent is leaving him or her. Joint custody is likely to be granted to parents that can cooperate.  

2. Communicate 

Even after the divorce, it is still essential to talk things out. The parenting plan created as part of your divorce settlement will establish the basics, but communication problems can still arise. Regularly speaking to your ex about your children will ensure consistency and help avoid confrontation. If there are big changes in your life, like a job change, communicate them right away. Not only does that show respect towards your ex-partner, but it will ensure that your children’s best interests are protected. 

3. Be Mindful

Everyone needs support, but badmouthing your ex, even in private, does not help build a healthy relationship. Encourage the people around you to take a positive or neutral stance about your ex. Talking negatively about your ex can impact your children’s relationship with both parents, and it will make your ongoing relationship with them more difficult to manage. 

When speaking to each other, choose your words wisely. Calling your ex-wife “psycho” or your ex-husband “lazy” is not productive and will lead to problems in your ongoing relationship. If the thought or presence of your ex evokes anger, you may want to consider seeing a therapist to work through your negative feelings.  

Contact an Arlington Heights Divorce Attorney

Building a healthy relationship with your ex will help ease your children’s stress and anxiety during and after your divorce. If you need help creating a parenting plan that will allow you to maintain a good relationship with your ex and your children, contact a Barrington divorce lawyer at A. Traub & Associates Call our office at 630-426-0196 to schedule an initial consultation.

Sources:

https://drmargaretrutherford.com/nine-essential-steps-after-divorce-how-to-get-along-for-the-childrens-sake/

https://www.custodyxchange.com/illinois/parenting-plan.php

https://www.divorcedgirlsmiling.com/how-to-get-along-better-with-your-ex-husband-dont-say-these-12-things/